Illusions & Chimeras (Wait & Hope)

by Falcon Heights

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  • Immediate download of 14-track album in the high-quality format of your choice (MP3, FLAC, and more), plus unlimited mobile access using the free Bandcamp listening app.

    The album is a story of an emotionally difficult time in my life, and I came out all the stronger for it. There is nothing wrong with the way that you feel. People will measure you by the way you react to those feelings. My reaction was music.

     $8 USD  or more

     

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about

Inspired by the past and catalyzed by heartache, Illusions & Chimeras (Wait & Hope) stems from a pair of Alexandre Dumas quotes and tells the emotional story of "a time in my life in which love finally lost, and I questioned it's very existence." The album weaves together pieces of classic literature with themes of love and loss; but ultimately is the auto-biographical record of one man's emotional journey to find the remains of himself after the fall out of a traumatic relationship.

credits

released 12 March 2013
Justin Buck (producer, engineer, vox, gtr, piano) and friends. Illusions & Chimeras (Wait & Hope) features: Nick Lasky (bass), Ryan House (drums), Nick Leners (bass), David Sutton (strings), Erin Schwab (vox), and Shon Parker (vox). Also shout outs to a great vocal ensemble featuring Whitney Pitz, Nathaniel Buck, Tim Bildsten, Matt Haedicke, Brett Larson, Sondra Larson, Sarah White, and Jaron Paige. Also Kris Ransom (assistant engineer) and Greg Reierson (mastering engineer)

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about

Falcon Heights St Paul, Minnesota

Falcon Heights is a band consisting of Minnesota based producer and singer/songwriter Justin Buck. Falcon Heights’ music is defined by its catchy pop hooks, soaring vocals, and deeply poetic lyrics. Throw in a splash of ambient sounds and electro-pop beats and you have a sound uniquely Justin Buck. ... more

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Track Name: Prologue
This is a requiem. It stands without hope or faith. Those things bled out long ago leaving only sorrow over what could have been, but never was. The remains of what was once alive between us are left hanging by a thread of doubt over the very nature of their reality. They cling in shroud, and drip with the blood of the illusions and chimeras that surrounded you and I. For of real love and true jealousy is there any reality but Illusions & Chimeras?
I'd like to tell you a little story.....
Track Name: New Years Resolutions
I left my conscience lying next to you, underneath smoke and smiles. Blinded by hope I have naively tried, to fix this broken carousel.

I tore my heart out, I gave it to you. When love is not enough, what's left for me to do?

I'll enjoy the fall, its match point to you. Misguided rumors fuel that fire I tried to fight, but the more I find, the truth can leave such scars. So now I'll drown December's pain, in this January rain.

I shut out panic seeking clarity. It left me so miserable. My head says run my heart screams turn around. I'm just a half of something whole.

I tore my heart out, I gave it to you. When love is not enough, what's left for me to do?

I'll enjoy the fall, its match point to you. Misguided rumors fuel that fire I tried to fight, but the more I find, the truth can leave such scars. So now I'll drown December's pain...

I hope, this meant, regrets for you. For me, this means, a void unfilled.
I hope, this meant, regrets for you. For me, this means, a void unfilled, unfilled, forever.
Track Name: Faithless
I packed my things up and left. My reasons for now seem better left unsaid. The taste of your lips are fresh. Making it hard to leave, making it hard to breathe.

How did we become like this? You look at me your faithless eyes deceive me now. And I can't believe you can't believe you're faithless to me, you're faithless to me now.

This long drive home seems so surreal. Your face is all I see, confusion's all I feel. These tears on my cheek are near. Making it hard to leave, making it hard to breathe.

How did we become like this? You look at me your faithless eyes deceive me now. And I can't believe you can't believe you're faithless to me, you're faithless to me now.

So here's your going away, your thanks for playing gift I hope, it suits you well. So here's your going away, your thanks for playing gift I hope, it suits you well. So here's your going away, your thanks for playing gift I hope, it suits you well. So here's your going away, one in a million reasons I won't sleep tonight.
Track Name: Formaldehyde & Lye
Do you remember? Because I remember the nights, and mental fist fights that broke me down. I'm not recovered, and I don't expect to soon. Your voice feels like an open wound.

I tried, to that you were blind, one day you will see all I was.

I'm not moving on, not trying to keep you, my lost thoughts pierce through, hearts once so strong. My mind's a wreck, you're left unstable, both lost the will to try. So I soaked our love in formaldehyde and lye.

Do you remember? Because I remember the days, spent trying to find ways to catch your eye. All that I needed, was you to approve of me, and feel like sometimes I crossed your mind.

I tried, to that you were blind, one day you will see all I was.

I'm not moving on, not trying to keep you, my lost thoughts pierce through, hearts once so strong. My mind's a wreck, you're left unstable, both lost the will to try. So I soaked our love in formaldehyde and lye.

"She said that she would dance with me if I brought her red roses, but in all my garden there is no red rose. On what little thing does hope depend. I have read all that the wise men have written, and all the secrets of philosophy are mine; yet for want of a red rose is my life made wretched. If I bring her a red rose I shall hold her in my arms. She will lean her head upon my shoulder, and her hand will be clasped in mine; but there is no red rose in my garden, so I shall sit lonely and she will pass me by. She will have no heed of me and my heart will break."

I'm not moving on, not trying to keep you, my lost thoughts pierce through, hearts once so strong. My mind's a wreck, you're left unstable, both lost the will to try. So I soaked our love in formaldehyde and lye.
Track Name: Tonight
This pen will speak my words tonight again. The broken ties between us may not mend. This fight is now the trend. The answers I once had fade in the wind. This lonely basement room remembers when. Now it sees the end.

Rewind to a place in time, nothing haunting my steps, your love felt real to me. I'll find, something to dull your taste, silence this weeping heart, still seeping blood down my sleeve.

I ripped apart my insides over you. Another basement heartache to live through. What else can I do? I knew that if I failed that I'd fail trying. I feel your long soft kiss as I lay dying. Was I only buying time?

Rewind to a place in time, nothing haunting my steps, your love felt real to me. I'll find, something to dull your taste, silence this weeping heart, still seeping blood down my sleeve.

Tonight, your words ringing in my ears. Tonight, of insecurities and fears. Tonight, they permeate your cold veneer. Tonight, and still I'm wishing you were here...tonight.
Track Name: Victims & Villains
I walk these streets, through cold dark alleys in my head, makes me feel weak, and this emptiness is making it colder. But I can't feel, what I seem to drag you through, this pain in my heart can't be too far off.

Frustration builds, misunderstanding on both sides, these tear drops fill, and this emptiness is making them bolder. But I can't feel, what I seem to drag you through, this pain in my heart can't be too far off.

You play the victim, I'll play the villain, and we'll never win.
(I'm breaking hearts in two tonight, still holding onto what seems right)
(I walk these streets, alone and feeling miserable, I'm cold with regret. I'm feeling wrong it's making this harder)

I can't feel
(You never try you're always running away)
I can't feel
(You know what I want give me what I need)
I can't feel
(You never try you're always running away)
I can't feel
(You just walked out on me)

But I can't feel what I seem to drag you through, this pain in my heart can't be too far off.
Track Name: Lost
I sit freezing hearts in the snow. I sit all alone without hope, but I sit with purpose. This new defiance makes her nervous, making it ever more urgent to regain control of her servant. Too weak was my role.
I watch bleeding hearts in the rain. The tears drown the shame, blur lines between forgiveness and blame, forever multiplying as these feelings remain.
I lead a funeral march for ashes. I can't seem to move past the words burned in the heat of passion. Still, she shamelessly says I've lost faith. I've just blamelessly lost my way. Not blamelessly, but battered and broken on the side of the road, believing she would change, or could change, or that she loved me enough to try. In the meantime...
I'll sit all alone in the cold. I've nowhere left to go while blind hope floats my heart along a river that froze over long ago. My ears are numb from the silence, legs broken by the blindness. This pen is my release, the music my reprieve, to show despite it all I once believed in you and me.
Track Name: Illusions & Chimeras
You taunt me, confuse me, with all your guilt stained memories. I know you, don't mean to, its no excuse for what you do. Still you try, to sift through lies, that are only in your mind. Please can I, find misery in your size? Mine wears so well.

Do I mean what you mean to me? Or is this bitter bite of truth all that I'm fighting? Do I haunt you in your sleep like you haunt me? Or is my hope just a dream?

You tell me, what you need, and that to care means to concede. I need you, to see through, your hate and see I suffer too. Still you try, to sift through lies, that are only in your mind. Please can I, find misery in your size? Mine wears so well.

Do I mean what you mean to me? Or is this bitter bite of truth all that I'm fighting? Do I haunt you in your sleep like you haunt me? Or is my hope just a dream?

So what of love and jealousy? Our portrait of a beast. Illusions and these chimeras claw my heart to shreds. And with my dying breath, the last thing to be said, is I'd suffer and die over again for you.
(Please can I, find misery in your size?)

Do I mean what you mean to me? Or is this bitter bite of truth all that I'm fighting? Do I haunt you in your sleep like you haunt me? Or is my hope just a dream? Or is my hope just a dream?
Track Name: Completely
The wounds that you left me, so perfect and so deep, define me. And though I am healing, consistently they bleed, reminding of roses in the snow, left frozen and alone.

I sift through these broken remains, our splattered past stains, my shattered glass heart, consumes me. I know, reflecting on, all I've done wrong, that I gave you my heart, completely.

The scars start to harden, your name scrawled on my arm, worn and charred. Forever to remind me, of guarded memories, held dearly like couch spent afternoons, and practice honeymoons.

I sift through these broken remains, our splattered past stains, my shattered glass heart, consumes me. I know, reflecting on, all I've done wrong, that I gave you my heart, completely.

With every passing day, I start to find my strength, recover the words to say. I didn't have a day of regret, like the moment you told me you found someone else, and claim that you love him the same way you loved me once.

I sift through these broken remains, our splattered past stains, my shattered glass heart, consumes me. I know, reflecting on, all I've done wrong, that I gave you my heart, completely. Reflecting on, all I've done wrong, that I gave you my heart, completely.
Track Name: Sweet Estella (Deal Me In)
Beyond the trees, the brewery, holds secrets lost in sullen memory. The fallen leaves, and evergreens, recall our broken scenes. Estella sits in lonely meditation, her garden full of fears. She won't tell me but I feel it when I ask her.

Deal me in Sweet Estella, I hear what you say but I know all your ways and the games you play. Dealing cards, trumping hearts Estella our love will forever be grey.

I'll sit and wait, outside the gate, delinquent action coming too late. I call her name, her sweet refrain, just causes further pain. She turns to make her way across the garden, to deal my final blow. She won't tell me but I feel it when I ask her.

Deal me in Sweet Estella, I hear what you say but I know all your ways and the games you play. Dealing cards, trumping hearts Estella our love will forever be grey.

Someday, some how, you'll know. I hope, on your wedding day it snows.

Deal me in Sweet Estella, I hear what you say but I know all your ways and the games you play. Dealing cards, trumping hearts Estella our love will forever be grey.

Deal me in Sweet Estella, I hear what you say but I know all your ways and the games you play. Dealing cards, trumping hearts Estella our love will forever be grey.
Track Name: Dear Pancha
Laid down my swords, the used metaphors, that I cling to. Stayed up all night, to watch this fire, consume the last bits of you. I'll drink it, I'll drink it, I'll drink it down.

So do I give up? Or do I keep trying? I'm all out of hate. I'm living mistakes that I made for you I don't know what to do. I know you're gone. I'm trying to move on while seeing you in everything, that I do. Its hard to admit, dear Pancha I wrote this for you.

I penned it out, the way I know how, besides walking away. These sad love songs, of our love gone wrong, and destined to fail. So I burned it, I burned it, I burned it down.

So do I give up? Or do I keep trying? I'm all out of hate. I'm living mistakes that I made for you I don't know what to do. I know you're gone. I'm trying to move on while seeing you in everything, that I do. Its hard to admit, dear Pancha I wrote this for you.

Laid down my swords, the used metaphors, that I cling to. Stayed up all night, to watch this fire, and finally let go of you.
Track Name: A Prelude for the Epilogue
Reality sets in as these last embers die. What once was regret is now questions of why. These questions in turn shed light on the truth, that the girl that I loved was never you. So here's to you and here's to me, and everything I thought we'd be. My one last toast to you old friend, I hope out paths never cross again.
Track Name: Last Summer is Too Late
She's a gun-toting songstress with a body like a psalm. She holds my salvation like dust in her palm. I'm a street-smart Adonis, at least in my mind. I'm lost but I'm not blind.

Her smile cuts through the crowd like a knife in my veins. I sift through the smoke, make my way past the stage. This booze-soaked saloon numbs my jaded cold rage, abated by her gaze.

And I'll keep dreaming, my heart still bleeding, my past won't fade away.

Because I'm still alone and confused, I left my confidence torn and abused in a tomb, on 35th Street and Grand that haunts me but won't catch me looking back.

I'm met with artful indifference as she crosses the room. My questions and fears have begun to consume. I know she'll never see the man that I'll someday be, just this one full of grief.

And I'll keep dreaming, my heart still bleeding, my past won't fade away.

Because I'm still alone and confused, I left my confidence torn and abused in a tomb, on 35th Street and Grand that haunts me but won't catch me looking back.

Because I'm still alone and confused, I left my confidence torn and abused in a tomb, on 35th Street and Grand that haunts me but won't catch me

Because I'm still alone and confused, I left my confidence torn and abused in a tomb, on 35th Street and Grand that haunts me but won't catch me looking back.